Part of my story

I remember the footsteps, the very moment when my feet once again came in contact with U.S. soil. Living out of the country for almost a year is more life-changing than I expected, and the transition back isn't what they tell you. I was told to be prepared for reverse culture shock: the hardships with re-immersing into my home culture. What I wasn't told was that I would have to die to the life I left in Costa Rica, despite the Internet, despite Skype calls, despite the benefits of all that technology, the life that I built in Costa Rica is gone. The people that are in it are scattered from Minnesota to Guatemala, and we are all living separate lives now. I know that I will go back to Latin America, but I also know that it will never be the same.

The reality of my grief is something that even I have trouble explaining. Being in Latin America expanded my definition of family, and I came back having people that I consider now as part of mine. It was an incredible experience that I wouldn't trade for anything, and of course I am glad to be home with people that I love, but the transition is so much more difficult, down to the very deepest part of me, than I imagined it would be.

So yesterday, after arriving in Tuscaloosa, my college town that was just devastated by the tornadoes of April 27th, 2011, I was walking along the RiverWalk trying to find a place to sit and read, when I ran into one of my sweet friends! We started talking and then we opened the Bible together - reading Galatians 5 and 6. Those passages are two of the most challenging passages that I have ever read, but they are so rich and so encouraging as well! Paul, the author, talks about the freedom we have in Christ and the life we live by the Spirit.

But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. (Galatians 5:5,6)

"The only thing that counts if faith expressing itself through love." Wow. So, he is talking about the law and how the people who try to justify themselves by obeying the law cannot do so, and that living that way negates the presence of grace. That blows legalism out of the water! Instead, Paul is calling them to the freedom that is given to us in Christ with the charge to use that freedom to serve each other. He says, "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature, rather, serve one another in love." (verse 13) He goes on to say that living by the Spirit means that we won't fulfill our sinful desires. He says,"For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are under the Spirit, you are not under the law." (verse 17,18)

We experience that conflict every single day. Paul is saying that if we are under the Spirit, walking in step with it, because of that we will be free of the law, replacing our sinful desires with the desires of the Spirit! Will we then be perfect? No! But we are freely given the righteousness of Christ if we believe. Living under the Spirit is true freedom, no matter what the temptations and pleasures of this world tell us.

2 Corinthians 3:17-19 ~

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

My prayer for myself in coming back to the States was that I would be reminded that God's grace is enough for me and that I am full - if I have nothing else in my life, He is enough. He is the only one in my life that is constant, and the only one that was there with me, is still here with me now, and will be with me forever.

~*~

So, in this time of pain and change in my life, I can move forward - not forgetting, but instead, learning to let this past year become a part of my story, knowing that there is hope in being reunited with the people I love here on this earth, and also, for eternity. But for now, I belong in Alabama, and this place is also a gift with people that I love and great opportunities. Life is such a crazy, hard thing. And as the mom from P.S. I Love You says, none of us make it out alive. But that doesn't mean there isn't hope.

~*~

To my friends and family in Latin America, I love you so much and I miss you every moment. I hope that you are finding encouragement where you are and that I will see you again very soon!

Te llevo en el corazon. :)

With all my heart,

-Courtney